It goes without saying that the content of this article is not intended for children or those made uncomfortable by such topics. But if you're interested, read on for the story of my seven days on Craigslist's Casual Encounters — my failures, near misses, discoveries, insights and successes. Following that, I interviewed two women to learn how they used the site successfully for their own fulfillment.
Each day I tried a different approach to see what would be most effective, though I never lied or posted fake photographs. One day my message was intended to be sweet and normal; I suggested starting with drinks and fun conversation to see if we had chemistry, then going back to my place to cuddle on the couch with a movie and see where that led.
Another day, I described it as a rebound. In yet another, I explicitly detailed sexual activities and used very aggressive language. Ultimately, only the "sweet and normal" was successful, even though very few posts by women had that same tone more on that later. I received about a half-dozen responses each day. Most were scams, some were men, some were prostitutes, and just one was legit. All the responses I got from real people on my first day weren't from women — they were from men.
I made it very clear in my post that I was only interested in women, but a large number of men chose to ignore that. They all offered oral sex. I responded to them politely, saying, "Just interested in women, but thanks for the offer! Have a good one. I began to suspect that no women actually used the site. The stereotype is that women are interested in relationships, and that only men would be interested in totally casual sex, right?
We know that's not true, though. In fact, I was inspired to write this article when a friend told me many of her female friends had owned up to using it. Over the next couple of days, I actually received a lot of posts from women.
Or at least, they said they were women. To be honest, I doubted the veracity of the claims. It didn't take long to realize that almost all the replies I received were scams. The situation is so severe on Craigslist Casual Encounters that posts by real women who are actually seeking hook-ups are often flagged for removal at the slightest cause for suspicion.
The most common scams are "safe dating" websites. An alleged woman will write a man saying she's interested, but that because of the Craigslist-based serial killers and rapists in the news, she needs some extra assurance that it's safe. If you follow the link she provides, the website asks you for your credit card number — y'know, so it can do a background check to make sure you're not a criminal.
One individual tried to get me to buy him or her virtual currency in online games like MapleStory before agreeing to hand over contact information. Yeah, right — moving on! What little luck I'd had so far. The week was half over and I hadn't had a single bite. I decided I would have to take the initiative, so in addition to posting my own ads, I started responding to every ad from any woman who seemed at all interesting.
I cast a wide net in my searches, looking up posts by straight or bisexual women between the ages of 18 and 35 who lived anywhere in Chicagoland — a large metropolitan area that's home to close to five million females. Most of the women wanted something very specific they couldn't find in their normal lives: Someone to help play out a particular fantasy, someone vastly older than them or someone of another race.
Very few of the women who were advertising seemed to be looking for anything I would consider a "normal encounter. I typically wrote two or three paragraph replies and matched the tone of their own messages, then attached a couple of tasteful photos of myself. I didn't get a single reply from an actual prospect this way. It turned out that most of the ads were fakes from scammers, and quite a few fell into another category all together. Prostitution is what made Craigslist controversial.
There's technically another section for that — "Adult Services," formerly "Erotic Services" — but that's not the only place you'll find practitioners of the world's oldest profession. The prostitutes of Craigslist speak in code, but it's not a difficult one to learn. They advertise "French lessons" — an odd thing to advertise under "Casual Encounters," don't you think?
Well, it's obviously a euphemism for something else. Many of the ads that weren't from scammers were from prostitutes. The ads are so obvious that it's surprising the euphemisms are effective in fending off law enforcement. Then again, maybe they are law enforcement. Amidst all those failures, I had one near-success. A woman wrote in response to my sweet "cuddling first" ad saying she was in town for only a couple of months, and that she was frustrated she couldn't find a relationship.
When she sent her pictures, she looked plain but attractive. We exchanged a couple of e-mails over the course of two hours, tossing back and forth lists of interests and the like. She made it clear that she wanted to meet up, and while she talked about starting slow, it was clear that it would indeed be a casual encounter. But when I suggested a time to meet — the last message from me before I would reveal myself and back out — there was no reply. At least, not yet. The next day, she e-mailed me saying she was deeply apologetic and that she'd fallen asleep.
She said she'd like to meet up sometime. So yes, there are women on Craigslist. By the time Tuesday rolled around four days into break , I had not found any real potential partners, so I started responding to listings in the w4m section.
There were a great number of obvious scam posts, and, as I expected, there were very few posts by real women. After emailing nearly 30 people with no response, I figured either no one was interested, or they were fake posts.
Disgruntled by my inability to attract a partner, I wanted to see if it was easier for heterosexual women to receive legitimate responses.
So, yes, I created a fake post posing as a woman — my apologies to the dudes who thought I was real, especially my fellow Bears. For the first hour it was up, I received nearly two to three responses per minute.
When I checked again 12 hours later, I had received a total of responses, which really pissed me off, because it was one shy of a response for each day of the year. Only two were spam, and the rest were all real men.
From their photos, I noticed some were physically attractive, and many seemed genuine. The responses began to flood my inbox to the point where I had to delete the post. The stories that inspired me to try out Craigslist were all written by women. I know many of you ladies have kinky desires waiting to be filled. Brett Tanonaka writes the weekly Sex on Tuesday column. I have been using kinkyads. Have you guys seen this site yet http: It surprises me that people actually think a beautiful woman needs to post an ad on casual encounters.
If they are free and pretty they can walk but the door and meet someone. I checked out the site. It seemed to be more Hookers, cheaters, disturbed, homelyand homewreckers on there than anything. What I am baffled by is why anyone would trust that these women and men are disease free.
Why would anyone single married. Honest, your comments seem genuine and considered, so let me answer you in the same tone. I have met several women on casual encounters. About a third of them were beautiful. Sure, they have other options, yet casual encounters remains a good one.
Yes, there should be a better, safer forum for people to meet that are GGG. There are healthy, fun people like us out there and we should all meet up. How is the Daily Cal publishing this crap???? Some questions for you, Brett: What social expectations of femininity and woman-hood deter women from frequenting sites like Craigslist?
WHY do you think women are not as likely to be comfortable with casual encounters even though men and women are equally horny?
What about expectations of masculinity and manhood make it acceptable for men to frequent craigslist? A statistical conclusion that men are on craigslist more than women is not material for a column. What makes casual encounters desirable for you?.